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Not sure whether I've posted this or not, but those lovely chaps and chapesses at Fantom in the Czech Republic have published Stormcaller, with a nice wargaming style cover that I like probably far more than the adult cynical new fantasy writer people expect me to be. Have a look here and let me know what you think! On a similar note, Heyne in Germany have now scheduled Grave Thief for Jan 2010 and you can see their cover here - dunno what the cover's about really, but I'm sure they had a good reason rather than just shoved something generically fantasy on. Cos that should be saved for the content of my books! ;0) Still doing tweaks to the US Grave Thief cover, or more accurately the lettering, but it's got a daemon on so what's to complain about there?! |
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Dear Mr. L Tennis Association, I hereby submit my application to be included in next year’s Wimbledon tournament as a wild-card British entry. I realise that you may require some sort of qualifications to consider me for the main draw so here they are:
First of all I can play tennis. Not very well, but no one’s expecting me to win a match to I fail to see how that would really matter. I’ve played a few matches for my club’s second team and, with a bit of a run-up, can hit most of the shots. I don’t like volleying very much but that’s not obligatory is it?
Secondly, I have my own racquet. I have two. They are blue. I realise it would be embarrassing for you, Mr LTA, if I had to borrow one of my opponent but if I break my strings my dad’s got one I could borrow. Actually, could he and I play in the doubles, or is that not allowed now he’s a pensioner? Thirdly, and most crucially to my mind, I could do with the money. Serious, I’m a novelist, but I’m not very good at it. A cheque for £10,000 would really help pay off the credit cards. I’d try really really hard so you’d get your money’s worth. As much as you would with anyone else anyway.
Lastly, I’m quite happy to get my ass kicked. None of the real pros would have to worry about losing, I might get a game though sheer luck but I’m not beating anyone and so would prove no more of an obstacle than the rest of the British wild-card contingent. If the ones who’re pros want to play they can go through the qualifiers, clearly I’m not good enough for that so could it be my turn next year to get money for an ass-kicking? I promise to be more entertaining for the crowd, quite possible by breaking Marat Safin’s on-court swearing record. I will also try as hard as I can to hit my opponent in the nuts, it’s something of a speciality of mine. You just ask Steve down at the club.
Anyways, hope you’re well, look forward to hearing.
Best,
Tom Lloyd. Age 30 and ¼ |
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Having watched the rather unimpressive Lions v Southern Kings match yesterday, I think it's probably a good thing I don't play rugby any more - not only because I kinda sucked at it, but also because I never had a whole lot of restraint. The Kings were a scratch team and decided to interpret their remit of 'disrupting the Lions and throwing them off their stride' to include trying to take opposition players out of the tour. Considering they're the big favourites to win the series, it's cowardly but far from surprising. It's not a new tactic and one that worked well for Tana Umaga last Lions tour where he and Mealamu shamefully got away with trying to break someone's neck. It ensured the Lions were crushed in all three tests because it took out their best player, playmaker and captain (even though NZ were likely to win the tour easily anyway) and it looks like the Saffas have started early - trying to make sure they sew up the series before the first match has even started. They were throwing themselves in all match, heads and shoulders for the main part because they know they're unlikely to be cited for that, and to the credit of the Lions, no one threw a punch back that I saw, not even to the dick of a fly half who, having been carded for a dangerous tackle, still jumped into half the tackles he was attempting to try and cause some extra impact and damage. Not sure I would have been so restrained, but with none of the Springboks on the pitch and Hook & Murray already helped off the field, they realised ignoring it was the only possible response. When the first test appears, they won't bother targeting the captain because this time it isn't O'Driscoll (partly just for that reason I'm certain) but someone six foot six and over 17 stones. But they will try and hurt Stephen Jones or cheeky wee Brian just as soon as they can, I'd put money on it. |
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With my wedding less than a month away now (holy crap!) I've discovered something curious. Now I'm some close approximation of a grown-up, I don't really have many free weekends. Sometimes like last weekend, I'm off doing particularly fun things - as an early wedding present my good friend Nathan bought us tickets for the Roland Garros finals - and this weekend the reeling practice for the wedding should be a laugh, but it's strange how full life becomes without really much effort at all. I really should be writing at the weekends on a regular basis, but the time just gets filled up with activities that certainly aren't conducive to spending time in front of a computer while enough caffeine to kill a wake a dead rhino buzzes through my veins. Sometimes I'm even expected to act like a normal person with normal social skills too - so probably best I don't write for a while before that as well, since a big session tends to leave me with the graces of a zombie that's eaten too much brains. My parents are notoriously difficult to pin down on weekends for months in advance and now I realise part of their problem I think! It is of course also the fact that sometimes they're 'busy' when they don't want to do something like trek into the city, but sometimes months go by with them not having a full free weekend to relax in and I suspect that's how life will increasingly go for me once married life has me in it's furry grip. As someone who likes nothing more than watching the rugby of an afternoon and sitting around drinking, this is something of a concern, but I seem to have struck the bargain with my beloved that will see me being allowed to watch lots and lots of the finest team sport around in the future. The fact that I might have to sit through every horrific celeb dancing competition is something I'll just have to deal with, and at least the pain is softened by some very strokable pro dancers in skimpy dresses! And anyway, how can I complain when I get to do things like watch Federer's historic completion of the grand slam and bum around Paris drinking great coffee and eating some lovely food? Admittedly, also getting absolutely shafted over the price of beer (8 euros 60 for a pint in one bar, unfortunately we'd just ordered it by the litre too...) and not liking the kicking the exchange rate has given us (please say it'll improve for the honeymoon in Sept...) but hey, I live in London so that sort of shock is short-lived! When the problems in my life are being moved to a crap desk for the two days a week I go to work and the summer getting a bit warm for writing in my study, I reckon I'll live! |
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Yup, at last Andy Remic has come to the rescue - no longer will we have to suffer unvetted, immoral rubbish in the genre world! All praise to the man who shall preserve our immortal souls and bring the fiery and pointy end of God's grace to the heathens who write this blasphemy, sinners who imagine other Gods and worlds by utilizing that engine of the devil's work, their imagination. Nah, only kidding. The Ethics police aren't coming to get you, or (more importantly) me, and there's going to be no mention of morality going on that I'm aware, except in discussions of the delicious lack thereof. What the SFFE site is all about - which you can find here - is celebrating what's good about the genre an telling the world about what you like. What it's NOT about is the negative, intentionally malicious crap that goes on whenever a bunch of social misfits are allowed an internet connection. As Andy's noticed some people just like to make themselves look big (or what they think is big anyway) but taking great delight in tearing apart the work of others; picking holes, bad-mouthing and generally acting like the pieces of shit they wouldn't dare to be in the real world because someone would have beaten their pale flabby arses to a pulp by now. It's not a new thing, The Simpsons have been mocking that sort of person for years in the shape of Comic Book Guy, but it's been ignored in the genre world and for too long. If you really don't know what I'm talking about, just go to the Westeros forums and type in my name - I've seen things posted there that went along the lines of 'I hope he dies so he stops infecting the world with this shit' and that's the sort of thing SFFE wants to step around. There are places to bitch about books, plenty of them and good luck to 'em, but this ain't one of them. If what you enjoy is ripping something to shreds then go somewhere else (or come do it to our faces) but if you feel embarrassed by the sub-set that do this and want to hear about what people like, check it out. Hopefully I'll be finding the time to contribute soon, once page-proofs and wedding stuff stops getting in the way!
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Because everyone else seems to have loved Star Trek, and while it was enjoyably brainless at times there were a few things that really bugged me about it. Now I wasn't expecting the GREATEST MOVIE OF ALL TIME because let's face it, it's a Star Trek movie and pretty constrained on that front. However, the big thing that really pissed me off was when I realised it involved time travel - almost always a sign of massively lazy plotting and just a vehicle for bring back Leonard Nimoy as though that was crucial for the story to come full circle. Which it wasn't. Only geekiness on the part of the writer/director required that and it immediately constrained the plot so much the film was never going to become as good as the sum of its parts, which were usually pretty good parts. The other thing that bugged me was the structure of the film, bad guy appears and conveniently directs the course of Kirk's life, Kirk spends five minutes screen time at the fleet academy and then heads off to chase bad guy. Continues to chase bad guy for a while, deals with bad guy. Nothing to surprise, nothing to make you think, just a lot of eyebrow waggling from Spock who looks woefully lacking in instructions from the director and is having to make it up himself. There was nothing else to it at all, some leering at women that wouldn't have looked out of place in a Roger Moore Bond film, lots of in-jokes (one of which, I forget which, I realised I was enough of a geek to realise the trivia behind it unlike most of the cinema, which just goes to show) and some pointy-ear rubbing on the part of Uhura - for reasons I suspect was the writer trying to move away from the more obvious Kirk-Uhura sexual tension and keep to the checklist of human emotions that are required in an epic film, but just failed to work at all. Actually, there was something else. What the hell is with the propensity to give up captaincy of a ship so easily? Can't see the old Kirk doing so without a gun to his head, not anyone on BSG or B5 for example, but this lots do it at the drop of the had. Spock loses his temper for a moment and so relieves himself of command, whereas I couldn't help thinking that Admiral Adama would have choked the guy into unconsciousness, kicked him in the crotch and then chucked him bodily from the room shouting 'and who the fuck else wants some eh?' And that would just be for questioning his orders, not attempted mutiny and dissing his mother. So, anyone else annoyed by what could have been a really good film? Or is it just me as it is on the subject of Batman Begins and the piece of toss they called scriptwriting in that movie? |
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Just thought I'd have a look at the Wikipedia page on me to see if it had been defaced yet, and it's been expanded (either that or I didn't notice the Twilight Reign page) so there's this too! That rocks, thanks to whoever did it! I see there are now vampire elves running around too - since I do live by the 'it's true cos it's on Wikipedia' I think that'll be an easy addition to the books. Mind you, that might encourage people and there's a movement on the forum for Scottish white-eye dwarves, probably riding the cannon-mounted flying carpets someone came up with a while back!
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If anyone fancies them, I've got a pair to give away and on top of that, anyone who buys tickets for any of the literary panels over the weekend can have two for the price of one if they use the words AUTHOR BLOG when they book by telephone on 020 7451 9944. The offer is good until Friday 1st May but if you drop me a line before the weekend with your name and email address I'll put you in the hat for the freebies to the panel I was on. I'm doing the 11am one on Sunday dealing with "The New Heroic Fantasy", and if that's not enough of a draw two other Gollancz stalwarts will be there in the shapes of Joe Abercrombie and Stephen Deas, plus Adrian Tchaikovsky who I'm sure is just as nice a bloke as his agent tells me ;0) |
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Nah, not really, but there is another interview with me up, this time on a Gamer blog rather than one overtly literary, which was interesting and forced me to remember just how much Warhammer gaming I'd done as a young lad - ya know, before I discovered girls (or more accurately maybe, before girls discovered me). Anyways, if you're interested, my statement to Randolph Carter on his brilliantly named blog Grinding to Valhalla is here.
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I thought I should actually write something about The Painted Man, it is my job after all. Well, fantasy books, not writing about them per se. And I should encourage people to read it. It's by Peter V Brett, there's an interview with him here as a matter of fact...
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Well, nice long post about the last two books I read. Matter and the Painted Man. Lots of talking about them and the issues I had, in a reasoned way. Both good but build up went on too long. Conclusions drawn, reasonably considered, and was almost building up to making a point there somewhere about novels and writing. Unfortunately I clipped a button on the keyboard and the bastard fucking thing navigated away from the page without checking whether I wanted to save what I'd written. So, can I even remember what I was talking about now? Not so much, can't even regain my train of thought I'm so irritated at losing a few paragraphs like that. Fuckity bye. |
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In case you're interested, Jeff at FantasyBookReviewer has just posted an interview with misself - he's also done a couple of reviews of the first two and it's interesting that he didn't get going with Stormcaller initially, took him two tries to actually get into the series so it's nice to see someone persisting! I hear crack's not that great the first time too... |
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What a fucking pointless load of whining, proof indeed that one whole lot of people shouldn't be allowed internet access. |
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It's always nice to get a weekly update that tells me a couple of copies of Grave Thief have been shifted in the previous week, but it's a fairly predictable level now so I find myself more fascinated with the titles around mine. Just above me is, rather wonderfully I think though can't fully explain why, is Mr Lazy, by the legendary Roger Hargeaves, who also have a couple of Little Miss titles just a bit up the page. One or two places above Mr Lazy is River God, a book I absolutely loved, and just below; the complete Beatrix Potter tales. So that's me, amid the classics and huge bestsellers from the 80s. It's a far better place to be than up the top with Stephanie Meyer, ptah.
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From Pyr, this time with a daemon on the front cover which has got to be a good idea in my opinion! Go check it out, it's pretty. Gollancz have also come up with a very elegant cover for The Ragged Man, which I'll show folk once I see a copy with the title etc on. This one's green - now I just have to work out how to write a brief for Dusk Watchman that convinces them to do a nearly black cover for that book... |
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Nice demonstration of the government's caring, sharing side on the news today. 800 peaceful demonstrators shut down Westminster Bridge yesterday, mid-morning I believe, to ask the government to step in over the Sri Lankan government's final stages of their campaign against the Tamil Tigers. Annoying for the emergency services that they're threatening to jump from the bridge but no real biggie, that's why we've got a river patrol and if people are intent on killing themselves in a way that doesn't hurt others to make the media stand up, there are worse things that could happen. So anyway, I woke up to the news report as everyone else did, a rather bored-looking reporter saying that everything was nice and peaceful (and from the pictures they might have been outnumbered by the police) but fifteen minutes later (about half an hour after the important MPs arrived for work up by my completely-unfounded judgement) the order was given to move in and get them moved. Because it's an illegal protest, they didn't ask the government and fill out the correct forms before they protested outside parliament. But it's interesting that the reporter had just said the police were hoping they'd all be going home soon anyway and were intending on waiting them out. They had been there for 20 hours after all and were cold, tired and hungry so the police were simply planning on waiting them out because they were only causing a disruption to traffic over the bridge. Anyone guess what happened in that 15 mins? Did a minister look out the window and see a whole load of brown people cluttering up the neighborhood? Did they curse under their breath and be reminded of of the great Brian Haw and how they'd had to change the law to get rid of him in a spectacularly shameful manner? Now I know they'd been flying Tamil Tiger flags which are illegal here, but that hadn't mattered yesterday, and the same goes for the disruption of traffic. So was it a policeman changing his mind and deciding to move the people breaking the law to somewhere 200 yards away where they were still breaking the law, or did they get a call from parliament saying 'shift the darkies, officer' so said officer did as he was obliged to and follow orders in a way that would mean he's not arresting 800 people and sparking a riot, but would end the disruption of traffic that was the likely reason given. The fact that they were moved to somewhere that would still annoy the minister, or at least ones with offices on the other side of the building, would not be his fault because he's a dumb plod with the safety of his officers in mind. I'm sure it wouldn't have even figured in his mind that he felt ashamed every time he was legally obliged to carry out this embarrassment of a law. |
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At the risk of thinking that people are finally getting the Twilight Reign and setting myself up for another round of childish abuse on places like the Westeros forums, there have actually been a few nice things said about Grave Thief. I guess it's a series that needs to be seen as a whole and the first book was just that, a first novel with all the mistakes one finds in them, so it's good to be seeing things like this lot appear: SFX Sandy Auden "The Twilight Reign series has demonstrated a depth of involvement and a sense of epic scale that has strained against the confines of each volume. It's obvious Lloyd has a vision of exactly where his power-hungry gods and kings are going, and its proving to be an extraordinary journey." Alice Wybrew DREAMWATCH TOTAL SCI FI "Every character plays a part, and with each new chapter comes a new thread, a new twist and a renewed sense of uncertainty. Lloyd’s writing is both poetic and colourful, making Isak’s tormented dreams a graphic reality and causing the beautifully artistic landscape to develop a character of its own. The outcome will nevertheless take your breath away and leave you gasping for the follow-up." DEATHRAY "Lloyd's world owes more to Michael Moorcock than Tolkien, though the braided plot structures of his book are standard modern fantasy. Dark and brooding nonetheless."
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For those of you not already blown away by the brilliance of Stormcaller, Pyr have put sample chapter of book 2 up for everyone and anyone to read. I've not actually checked how buig the selection is yet - you can find it here - but if it's similar to the last one they did we're talking about a sizeable chunk of text, certainly enough to give you a gist of what's going on! Enjoy! |
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