Copies of the God Tattoo are on their way to me I'm told, so how's about a couple of them up for grabs? One simple question, best answer/s wins. As usual, points are awarded as much for absurdity, childishness, tangential ramblings and anything else that amuses me at the time.... Answers here, on Facebook, via email, DM, any way you like so long as I read it! But of course, if you post it by hand the dog will probably eat!
So - how does Daken acquire his God Tattoo?
One small NB, it's not on sale in the US until later in the year so I'm afraid this doesn't include you guys. you US-ites will have to have your own comp closer to the time!
Contrary to what Daken may claim, the embarrassing truth is a postcode lottery win from his subscription to the scroll-zine Bloody Axe fancier Weekly and the sister zine, Reader's axes (of which he was recently named no.1 submitter.)
Now as it turns out postcodes get rather complex when they don't exist yet but I am assured that postal services in the future, having mastered temporal delivery and being incredibly zealous in back-servicing all dimensions (as well as a recent spate of delivering mail to realms imagined and disorderly,) can pull off such feats with ease.
In actual fact the God tattoo was not the prize intended for Daken but a trans-dimensional mix-up caused by YodelBwahHAHAH*cough* (The [D]evolved form of the worst delivery company to emerge from Great Britain during the brutal post wars of 2013) who had at this time begun messing with the delivery streams of their direct rivals in back-servicing.
In many ways, it is suspicious that a company of delivery tricksters should deliver the trickster goddess herself right onto the chest of a postcode lottery winner who was supposed to have won a pampering day at a local inn where he would be treated to free leg waxing and a manicure.
The rest as they say is a brutal, bloody history...
Daken aquires his God tattoo the same way all drunken loutish men of a certain age aquire tattoo's.
Please note, the following references have been translated to modern British culture for other readers to comprehend.
While serving as best man to his favoured general of the time, they went on a stag beach holiday. While there, as is tradition, they all got very drunk, sang many football songs and had several fights. On one particular night, after several shots of the local spirit of choice and wearing the customary ceremonial shirts emblazened with witty nicknames (Daken = D*ck-in) they frequented a tattoo artisit. Of course, all attempts to get the stag to have a tattoo proved fruitless as he vomited on himself and was swiftly removed from the scene. Like all true good best men, Daken stepped into the breach choosing his tattoo because 'she had the biggest t*ts.'
the following day Daken awoke with a cold kebab and a wench of questionable nature and the rest is history.